Dave Barry’s Year in Review 2020And we thought past years were awful.By
We’re trying to think of something nice to say about 2020.
JANUARYChinese news media report that a man in a city named “Wuhan” died of a mysterious virus. This is not considered a big deal in the United States.
FEBRUARYIn Iowa, Democratic presidential candidates realize they have wasted an entire year trudging around Iowa eating fried objects on sticks and pretending to care about Iowans.
MAYPresident Trump continues to provide leadership during the crisis by repeatedly pointing out that he knows an incredible amount about viruses — more than most medical doctors! — and is frankly doing a terrific job.
JULYDuring this time important news events are occurring in Europe, Asia, Africa, South America and possibly even Canada. But we frankly do not have time to think about those places.
SEPTEMBERThe death of Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg triggers a classic display of Washington-style ethical consistency as both political parties, addressing the issue of when the vacancy should be filled, passionately embrace positions diametrically opposite the ones they passionately embraced in 2016.
NOVEMBERAfter the presidential election, President Trump accepts the defeat with the calm, mature grace and dignity that have become his trademark as leader of some imaginary nation that we are fantasizing about in this sentence.
DECEMBERWhile the president continues to insist that he was reelected, members of his staff quietly prepare for the transition by updating their résumés and conducting a search for the briefcase containing the nuclear launch codes.