This year I was once again delighted to be invited to perform at the Roundtable Christmas Luncheon, along with Bard on the Beach's Christopher Gaze and author and CEO Ann Giardini. Last year I recited a politically correct version of T'was the Night Before Christmas; this year I offered the following quotations:
1. There are four stages to a man’s life – when he believes in Santa Claus – when he doesn’t believe in Santa Claus – when he is Santa Claus – when he looks like Santa Claus.
5. Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa.
6. Christmas is the season for kindling the fire of hospitality in the hall, the genial flame of charity in the heart.'
9. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
10. I once had a boss who reminded me of Santa. He worked one day a year and spend the other 364 days judging others.
11. I put so much thought into deciding what to buy you for Christmas, I was too late to get it.
14. Christmas is built upon a beautiful and intentional paradox; that the birth of the homeless should be celebrated in every home.
20. What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
24. Christmas is the time of year when people of all religions come together to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ.
1.Unknown 2.PJ O'rourke 3.Bryce Courtenay 4.Homer Simpson 5.Bart Simpson 6.Washington Irving 7.Joan Rivers 8.Bernard Manning 9.George Carlin 10.Unknown 11.My daughter 12.unknown 13.unknown 14.G.K.Chesterton 15.Dave Barry 16.Charles Dudley Warner 17.Anthony Jeselnik 18.Richard Lamm 19. Barry Manilow 20.Phyllis Diller 21.Dave Barry 22.Steven Wright 23.unknown 24.Bart Simpson 25.Tiny Tim